


“If I only could have this” “You can”

by DestielIsFuckinReal



Series: Season 12 codas [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Declarations Of Love, Episode: s12e09 First Blood, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 07:09:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9480557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielIsFuckinReal/pseuds/DestielIsFuckinReal
Summary: Ok, this came out after seeing all the tweets about Dean holding Cas's hand in the backseat of Mary's car just before Billie appeared, I hope you like this, as always I've done my best not to make errors ;)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this came out after seeing all the tweets about Dean holding Cas's hand in the backseat of Mary's car just before Billie appeared, I hope you like this, as always I've done my best not to make errors ;)

It's late night when Cas knocks on Dean's door. He's been around the hunter long enough to know he's still not sleeping.

«Come in» Dean's voice comes from behind the door. Cas opens it and walks inside, finding Dean on his bed, hands on his stomach and eyes closed. Cas walks to the bed, and hesitantly sits on it, watching Dean. He missed this those weeks they were apart. Dean's sandy brown hair, his freckles, his long lashes, his green eyes now closed, but Cas can easily see all the shades of green and gold coming out when the sun touches them in a particular way...

«I told you not to do that» Dean says, not opening his eyes, and smiling a little.

«You're not sleeping» Cas says, smiling too.

Dean opens his eyes, sitting on the bed, «It's still creepy»

Cas chuckles and looks down at his hands. «I'm sorry»

«It's ok buddy, I was joking» Dean pats him on the shoulder, «is there something I can help you with?»

Cas looks back up at Dean. «I...» he hesitates. He's not sure if he should ask this, maybe it was a mistake, that Dean's hand was on his, Dean's fingers intertwined in his, in the car before Billie showed up, and the backseat was spacious enough for two grown men, so there aren't excuses. Or there shouldn't... So he takes a deep breath and says, «Why did you take my hand in the car? There was enough space in the backseat, I just don't understand»

«Look Cas, I...» Dean sighs, «I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, it just...» he takes a deep breath and slowly gets out of bed, walking to his desk, and saying, «I knew I had to die few moments after we got in the car, I just wanted to... y'know... Die without regrets. I wanted, just for a second, to pretend everything was ok, that we were living a normal life... I don't know what got in me, we can pretend it never happened and never talk about it again»

Cas stays silent for Dean's speech, just looking at him. When Dean stops talking, he stands up and walks in front of the hunter, personal space be damned. «And you didn't think about me? About how I could feel?»

«What do you mean?»

«I mean,» Cas says looking into Dean's eyes, «what if Billie didn't accept Mary's sacrifice, what if she wanted one of you and only you two? What if the Angel blade didn't work? I know you would have sacrificed yourself for Sam without a second thought, but you think I would have lived a normal life, as normal as this can be, without thinking every day that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance I was reciprocated?»

Dean stays silent for few seconds, then says, almost in a whisper, «You can't love me Cas, I'm fucked up, everything I love dies or gets hurt»

«I don't care» Cas says in the same tone.

«I don't want to hurt you, not again»

«You won't, you never had»

«Yes, I did»

«It wasn't you» Cas says, knowing what Dean is talking about. That time in the library. «It was the Mark»

«I kicked you out»

Gadreel. «You had no other choice»

They inched closer with every sentence, and now they're only millimeters apart.

«Kiss me» Dean says, and Cas obliges, closing the space between them. It's sweet and tender, Dean's arm finds its way around the small of Cas's back, the Angel's hands clutching Dean's t-shirt. It's better than the other kisses Cas had, and he doesn't want it to end, but Dean is just human and he needs to breath, so he breaks the kiss. Dean's eyes stay closed for a moment more, but he's smiling, and when he opens them, the smile reaches those forest green eyes. Dean gives Cas another small kiss to his lips before hugging the Angel tight, saying «I love you» in his shoulder over and over again. Cas smiles, saying «I love you too» when Dean gives him the chance.

They stay like this for a while, until Cas says, «You need sleep Dean, it's been a long day for you»

Dean lifts his head from Cas's shoulder «Only if you join me» and he smirks.

«If you let me watch over you» Cas teases.

Dean rolls his eyes, «It's not that I can stop you anyway» and walks to the bed, laying down under the covers. He pats the spot next to him, for Cas to join. The Angel takes off his trench coat and his jacket before getting into bed with Dean, throwing one arm around his middle and feeling Dean's arm around his shoulders. Dean is asleep in few minutes, with Cas watching over him.


End file.
